Have you remembered to drink water today?
If there’s one thing you need to know about me, it’s how much I love water. I drink water every day - and so should you, if you don’t already! Did you know, if you don’t drink anything at all, you will die? Water is really good for you.
Water is so delicious too. I feel like people don’t mention this enough, they’re always saying it tastes of nothing, or that they prefer Coke or whatever. Not me: I like a fresh glass of water. You can add ice and lemon if you like - but you don’t have to! Water is so good on its own. Sparkling water? Sure, that’s great every now and then, but I don’t need my water fancy. Just a plain old glass of water is the best thing in the world to me. People ask me, “Caspar, would you like a drink? I’ve got wine, or gin, or beer…” - and I stop them straight off and say with a smile, “No thank you, just a glass of water for me, if you’ve got such a thing.” That’s just a little joke right there - everyone has a glass of water, it’s right there in your taps! Just pour it out, and there it is, the best drink in the world. Water.
Did you know that there is no fat in water, and no sugar? That’s incredible. Not only that, but water is full of vitamins and calcium. And maybe even protein, I need to check up on that one though, don’t quote me. Water helps you digest by making the food in your stomach less bitty and more swampy, so all the nutrients can travel around your body more easily, in your blood I think, which is basically red water. It’s also good for your skin, helping to hydrate (that’s another word for ‘water’) your pores and plump up your, I want to say, dermis? Water also probably helps you sleep better I think, it’s definitely so good for you. That’s why doctors recommend you drink 2 to 3 litres of water a day, but I drink 15. Sometimes, I’ll drink so much water that I can literally hear it sloshing from side to side inside my belly when I walk - especially if I’ve had soup for lunch. Top tip: eating soup is a fantastic way to get more water. Simply heat your vegetables and/or meat in water, and then blitz the hot water together with the solids, and you’ve already got a far more moist meal than, say, biscuits.
A great way to make sure you get the recommended daily allowance of water is to carry water around with you when you’re travelling. I used to do this by cupping my hands together and filling them up under the kitchen tap, then closing the tap with my elbow, having made sure I’d already opened my front door beforehand so I could just gently nudge it shut with my bum on the way out and not slop too much water on the ground - but doing it that way you do get a bit of trickle between your fingers, and sometimes find yourself with less than half a teaspoon-full of water in your palms by the time you reach the bus stop, and once you have to reach for your travel pass you’re absolutely fucked. Then someone told me about refillable flasks, and that was a game-changer. You can buy them in shops or online, and they come in all sorts of colours and shapes and sizes. I always have seven of them on the go at any one time, held in a utility belt around my waist - always with water in them of course, never juice or bourbon. Speaking of bourbon: you can drink as much water as you like, and you will never get drunk. That is my solemn promise to you.
Something you can do to remind yourself to drink more water - it really is so important, I can’t stress this enough - is to set yourself little reminders in your iCal. It’s so nice to get a chirpy reminder - you can word it so that it’s fun and friendly, like, “Hey me! Don’t forget to have a few sips of water!” or “Water time! Get some H2O down your gullet!” or “Water forgetful piece of shit you are! Drink water!” I have reminders set in my phone for every nine minutes in the day, which help me to achieve total saturation.
Word of warning: when you start drastically increasing your water intake, you will start weeing a lot more than before, and I mean a LOT more. But I don’t mind that - in fact, I love it! OK, so I had to quit my job, because I found that I couldn’t handle a 20 minute commute without needing the bathroom, and people give you rude looks on the Tube if you employ a home-made catheter to circumvent that difficulty. So I am not working anymore and have gone back to live with my parents again. But that’s alright with me, as I now get all the water I need.
I’ll write a separate piece about skincare some time, because that’s almost just as important. But the central tenet of skincare, to keep it brief, is: wet, wet, wet, like the famous band. Oh OK then, one quick tip before I move on: I have made a plastic mask that I put on at night, which contains water. I’ve left out gaps for my eyes, nose and mouth, and the edges of it are stuck down to the borders of my face with a little trim made of suction pads. I fill the mask with water every evening and it keeps my face damp all night. In the morning my skin feels like damp crepe paper, and I simply give it a quick blow-dry and moisturise before leaving the house.
I always laugh if I ever hear an ex-alcoholic say they’ve been ‘dry’ for 15 years, and I say, “That’s funny - I’ve been ‘wet’ for two years!” Just a little joke, it’s good to be self-aware.
If this article has helped just one person out there drink eleven more litres of water a day, I will know that it hasn’t been in vain. And if my testimonial has inspired you, why not get out there and help spread the message - the message of water.
Water is so delicious too. I feel like people don’t mention this enough, they’re always saying it tastes of nothing, or that they prefer Coke or whatever. Not me: I like a fresh glass of water. You can add ice and lemon if you like - but you don’t have to! Water is so good on its own. Sparkling water? Sure, that’s great every now and then, but I don’t need my water fancy. Just a plain old glass of water is the best thing in the world to me. People ask me, “Caspar, would you like a drink? I’ve got wine, or gin, or beer…” - and I stop them straight off and say with a smile, “No thank you, just a glass of water for me, if you’ve got such a thing.” That’s just a little joke right there - everyone has a glass of water, it’s right there in your taps! Just pour it out, and there it is, the best drink in the world. Water.
Did you know that there is no fat in water, and no sugar? That’s incredible. Not only that, but water is full of vitamins and calcium. And maybe even protein, I need to check up on that one though, don’t quote me. Water helps you digest by making the food in your stomach less bitty and more swampy, so all the nutrients can travel around your body more easily, in your blood I think, which is basically red water. It’s also good for your skin, helping to hydrate (that’s another word for ‘water’) your pores and plump up your, I want to say, dermis? Water also probably helps you sleep better I think, it’s definitely so good for you. That’s why doctors recommend you drink 2 to 3 litres of water a day, but I drink 15. Sometimes, I’ll drink so much water that I can literally hear it sloshing from side to side inside my belly when I walk - especially if I’ve had soup for lunch. Top tip: eating soup is a fantastic way to get more water. Simply heat your vegetables and/or meat in water, and then blitz the hot water together with the solids, and you’ve already got a far more moist meal than, say, biscuits.
A great way to make sure you get the recommended daily allowance of water is to carry water around with you when you’re travelling. I used to do this by cupping my hands together and filling them up under the kitchen tap, then closing the tap with my elbow, having made sure I’d already opened my front door beforehand so I could just gently nudge it shut with my bum on the way out and not slop too much water on the ground - but doing it that way you do get a bit of trickle between your fingers, and sometimes find yourself with less than half a teaspoon-full of water in your palms by the time you reach the bus stop, and once you have to reach for your travel pass you’re absolutely fucked. Then someone told me about refillable flasks, and that was a game-changer. You can buy them in shops or online, and they come in all sorts of colours and shapes and sizes. I always have seven of them on the go at any one time, held in a utility belt around my waist - always with water in them of course, never juice or bourbon. Speaking of bourbon: you can drink as much water as you like, and you will never get drunk. That is my solemn promise to you.
Something you can do to remind yourself to drink more water - it really is so important, I can’t stress this enough - is to set yourself little reminders in your iCal. It’s so nice to get a chirpy reminder - you can word it so that it’s fun and friendly, like, “Hey me! Don’t forget to have a few sips of water!” or “Water time! Get some H2O down your gullet!” or “Water forgetful piece of shit you are! Drink water!” I have reminders set in my phone for every nine minutes in the day, which help me to achieve total saturation.
Word of warning: when you start drastically increasing your water intake, you will start weeing a lot more than before, and I mean a LOT more. But I don’t mind that - in fact, I love it! OK, so I had to quit my job, because I found that I couldn’t handle a 20 minute commute without needing the bathroom, and people give you rude looks on the Tube if you employ a home-made catheter to circumvent that difficulty. So I am not working anymore and have gone back to live with my parents again. But that’s alright with me, as I now get all the water I need.
I’ll write a separate piece about skincare some time, because that’s almost just as important. But the central tenet of skincare, to keep it brief, is: wet, wet, wet, like the famous band. Oh OK then, one quick tip before I move on: I have made a plastic mask that I put on at night, which contains water. I’ve left out gaps for my eyes, nose and mouth, and the edges of it are stuck down to the borders of my face with a little trim made of suction pads. I fill the mask with water every evening and it keeps my face damp all night. In the morning my skin feels like damp crepe paper, and I simply give it a quick blow-dry and moisturise before leaving the house.
I always laugh if I ever hear an ex-alcoholic say they’ve been ‘dry’ for 15 years, and I say, “That’s funny - I’ve been ‘wet’ for two years!” Just a little joke, it’s good to be self-aware.
If this article has helped just one person out there drink eleven more litres of water a day, I will know that it hasn’t been in vain. And if my testimonial has inspired you, why not get out there and help spread the message - the message of water.
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